Basically This Is About All You Need to Know About Life

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Last night on the drive home through northern New Mexico I ran into a serious storm. At one point I managed to cross over the edge of it and was treated to a view of the sky that I could not come close to imagining in my wildest of dreams. To my left there was a deep blue sky with a single inexplicable patch of bright fuchsia, and a bit to the right of that was a double rainbow. In front of me there were two kinds of lightning interacting in the storm just ahead, with the bolts that were hitting the ground lasting a full 2–3 seconds. Just to the right of that there was a clear bright spot of blue and orange sunset over the mountains with fluffy clouds ‘dripping’ down in brilliant shades or red and orange. To my right and rear there was the edge of the storm we just drove through, which had two layers from which emerged a radiant lavender light. Behind me it was purplish black with lightning that occasionally changed it to a bluish green in numerous flashes. It was as if some of the most imaginative artists of all time came together to each do their own thing on a shared canvas that spanned 360 degrees. There are no adjectives to correctly appreciate that.

Also, about 45 minutes earlier I had eaten off a salad bar at motel restaurant and gotten some ferocious cottage cheese, which at the time of this immersion in transcendent beauty had my digestive track preparing for an all out ass-ault. As my gastrointestinal disturbance increased I became painfully aware that the need for an evacuation of the invading forces in my lower trenches was reaching a crucial threshold. If I couldn’t reach level ground to take this fight to soon, I was gonna lose the battle, and the fresh smell of new car seat. Fortunately I was able to make it to Wagon Mound in time, where I was met by a toilet seat that had lost its own war against the poorly potty trained, and had to do an emergency clean up before settling down into a partial hover and releasing the troops. In the end I conquered over the forces of improperly maintained dairy, but it was a Pyrrhic victory.

That is about all you need to know about life. Sometimes everything is unbelievably beautiful, sometimes you have to take a painful shit in a compromising situation, and sometimes it all happens at the same time.

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